Take responsibility!

I constantly hear the phrase ‘ why does it happen to me’ and I have to say I find it infuriating. On the whole we do not drift through life on a whim, the things that happen are usually a direct response to our own behaviour. I’m not saying you can take responsibility for everything but it is time to take responsibility for the things that you can .

Being in a relationship takes work. If you allegedly love someone then you have a responsibility to take their thoughts and feelings in to account. The minute you offer someone a commitment then you are not free to do as you please . You should make adjustments to your lifestyle and if you’re not prepared to then be honest , you don’t love them. You cannot treat someone like a convenience and then be surprised when they don’t stick around .

If you have children then that is the biggest responsibility you will ever have. They didn’t choose to be born, you chose to have them so their health, happiness and wellbeing is your responsibility for a lifetime. They do come before partners, friends, hobbies, your social life and everything else. If you’re short of money then their needs must come first. If you cannot do that then you shouldn’t have children.

Life is a long series of decisions, which once made you have to live with the consequences. So instead of weeping and wailing, face up to  it, enjoy it, but most importantly take charge, own your decision and take the responsibility to build the life you actually want.

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Beauty comes from within.

Having just been trolled by a  hilarious personal trainer who believes I’m too fat and stupid to survive without paying for his help, I want to share what I have learned about beauty.

I was a typical slim, energetic child who grew up into a very slim teenager, with curves that even the kardashians would have envied. This continued on until my twenties   when a combination of long term health problems and bad reactions to medication gave me the figure I have today. Throughout that experience the interesting thing I discovered is that most people don’t notice the change in body type, what they notice is how confident and comfortable you are with your self. 

The thing that is actually beautiful is not a perfect face or a particular body type, it’s the ability to accept your self and enjoy life. Now I’m not for a minute saying that having an unhealthy lifestyle is a good idea, because we all know it’s not, but learning to appreciate your self is more important.

Try following these few short rules to see how much more attractive you become :

1. Stand naked in front of a mirror and look at all your good features. Everyone has them . You might have good skin, nice eyes, a great smile, what ever they are it’s time to make the most of them.

2. Consider your bad points , can you change them? And more importantly are you willing to put in  the effort to  do so? If you’re not then it’s time to accept they are part of you and stop fixating on them.

3. Stop worrying about other people’s opinions. Everyone is different, that’s what makes people interesting. Just because some marketing expert has decided to make a particular style fashionable ( no doubt for profit ) doesn’t mean that everyone else is no longer beautiful .

4. Learn to wear clothes that make you feel good and not what’s fashionable .

5. The last and most important rule, learn to love and accept yourself . No one is going to find you attractive if you live your life like an apology . You are unique , be proud.

Everyone is beautiful to someone but first you have to be beautiful to your self .

Love is worth the risk 

I know we’re all looking for that perfect relationship. The harmonious union of two hhearts and minds in perfect sync, but in reality you’re going to kiss a whole lot of frogs first and even then, your perfect partner is highly likely to drive you
nuts on a regular basis.So are failed relationships something to be ashamed of? The answer is quite definitely NO!
Part of growing as a person is the willingness to take chances and experience all that life has to offer.
You might have an idea in your mind about what your ideal partner should be like, but how do you actually know if you never give anyone a chance.
So starting from today take a risk, if youre not already attached start planning to talk to one new person and agree to go out on a date with someone you wouldn’t normally consider at least once a month. You never know what is going to happen in the future but at the very least you’ll gain new perspective and new friends. Good luck.

Be a good friend not a bully

If I’m apsolutly honest, i am an extremely confident, strong willed, opinionated extravert. Who sees my world as a black and white series of options, which i do or don’t choose to follow. However since i understand my own failings and appreciate that everyone is an indivdual, with different coping mechanisms to mine, i try extremely hard not to force my life choices on to others. Which brings me to the point of this post.
When people talk about bullying most people imagine the kinds of situations where someone is deliberately doing or saying something hurtful to another person. This is bullying, but there is another often far more hurtful kind that is carried out in the name of love.
I’m sure we all have people in our lives who believe that they know what is best for us. Who’s expectations are so far from our own wants and desires that we couldn’t possibly live up to them no matter how hard we tried. Colleges, friends, teachers who believe their skills, opinions and ideas are more valuable than our own. This is also a subtle kind of bullying.
Without meaning to, it is lowering the self esteem and confidence of a person who is supposed to matter.
So now i want you to honestly answer how many times have you done that?
Told a friend they were better off out of a relationship? Instead of offering your love and support.
Talked over the top of a collegue? Ignored their ideas?
Failed to listen when a loved one tries to tell you their not happy with their life?
It’s easy to change the pattern if you want to.
Start listening to what people actually say.
Clarify points to make sure you understand.
Ask open ended questions which allow them to explore their own thoughts and feelings.
Offer a range of solutions, not just what you think they should do.
And most importantly accept and support their decisions, even when you don’t agree.
Be the friend, the loving family member you mean to be, not the closet bully in someones life.

Happy ever after, takes work!

As a romance writer I spend a great deal of time studying relationships and in my opinion there has been a sad decline in the number of people who really find their own happily ever after. 

There’s too much of a sense of emergency about relationships now. Films, books, songs all sing the praises of instant gratification rather than long term happiness, but forever is a perfectly achievable aim. With a bit of common sense and a willingness to work anyone can find their lifelong partner.

1. The first rule is to stop rushing headlong into instant gratification. There is considerably more to life than sex, especially as you get older.

2. Be honest about how you feel about the person. Do you like who they are? How they live their life? How they treat other people?

3. This is the most important rule, TALK!!!! Find out what they want from life. What their thoughts and opinions are, their morals, interests, desires. Once you know, be honest, are they actually compatible with your own?

4. Once you’ve got your partner don’t take them for granted. All relationships require time and attention to thrive.

5. Be supportive and interested in all aspects of their life. 

6. Make the effort with their family and friends.

7. Be an active part of their life, join in with hobbies and interests or at the very least ask about them .

8. Remember to say I love you . Tell them regularly why they are important to you. Compliment them, do things you know will make them happy for no other reason than their pleasure .

There is no huge secret to having a successful relationship and the same rules could equally be applied to friends and family . People need to be appreciated, wanted for themselves and not for what they have. Give it a try and be happy x

Be a positive cyber friend 

Since the escalation of social media people can now speak to people from all backgrounds, anywhere in the world. It should be an amazing opportunity to exchange ideas and reach out the hand of friendship. Instead far too many people are using it as a way to spread vile hateful abuse. There is no excuse for this kind of behaviour. It’s not clever, it’s not funny or a bit of a laugh. Be very clear, it’s abuse! Pure and simple. Nothing more or less than bullying. Just because someone has posted a picture or comment doesn’t give you the right to say something deliberately hurtful and nasty. It’s not any nicer than it would be said to their face, just because you typed it.

So what should you consider before making comments on posts?

1. Would you be happy if someone made the same comment to you? If I couldn’t justify making the same comment to someone’s face I would never type it.

2. Sarcasm doesn’t translate well via text.- if it’s a joke make sure the recipient knows it’s a joke.

3. People have cultural and religious differences. consider the other person’s feelings first before commenting .

4. Just because someone has posted 100 selfies, doesn’t mean they don’t have insecurities about their looks. 

5. Don’t put private information on public forums.

6. If you think something should be discussed between you and the other person only, don’t post your thoughts somewhere that’s open to public opinion.

7. If you don’t like or agree with something ,you don’t have to comment . You can just scroll down.

If you try to remember to treat people the way you would if you met  them in real life then you shouldn’t encounter any problems . It only takes consideration and kindness to be a good friend. Have fun and spread happiness , it makes a better day for everyone. 

Stop prejudice – we are all the same under the skin.

Across the world there has been a phenomenal number of atrocities committed in the name of religion, politics and just plain and simple prejudice. None of it is acceptable. There is never an excuse for hurting some one either verbally or physically just because they are different from yourself.

Most people reading this will probably be thinking that they would never behave in such a way but by being complicit we are all culpable . For a moment I want you to read through the following list and honestly consider how many of the things you have done.

1. Crossed the road to avoid someone who looks different.

2. Made assumptions about someone based on their colour, religion or sexual orientation.

3. Used a derogatory term .

4. Ignored derogatory comments made by friends and family.

5. Ignored the problem when someone is being hassled because of there colour, religion, sexual orientation, nationality .

6. Participated in harassment .

7. Thought that the harassment was acceptable .

If you have answered yes to any of these things then it’s time to change. Division and lack of tolerance creates hate. Reach out, get to know the people in your community , you may be pleasantly surprised to discover you have more in common than you expect . Even if you don’t, understanding and acceptance removes fear. Don’t let evil win. It’s time to take back the control and use kindness and understanding to regain peace.