Give people your time and attention this Christmas

Christmas can be an extremely busy time of year, especially for those with full time jobs and children. Dashing from Christmas shopping to numerous parties, plays and events is exhilarating, but Christmas isn’t like that for everyone. 

For a moment please pause and think of your own family and friends. How many of you only pop into see your parents for half an hour a few days before Christmas and leave all your presents there for them to distribute because you haven’t got the time.

Or wish a friend or colleague Merry Christmas knowing full well that they will be sat alone on Christmas day.

Christmas isn’t about presents or parties, it’s about sharing love and kindness with those around us. So this year please take the opportunity to do something really special. Forget about buying the million expensive presents your kids don’t really need and the guilt gifts you usually send to friends and relatives and instead invite them to your home and give them your time and attention. I can promise you it will be the one gift they will never forget. 

Don’t accept bad attitudes. – rudeness is just another form of abuse.

Pre social media bullying was limited to actually  face to face contact, but now thanks to the advances in technology it can invade every aspect of your life. Trolling has become a fashionable pass time that every bitter, twisted, dissatisfied with life, individual has taken to with undisguised glee. 

Thanks to the connection with like minded people they now believe they have the right to make nasty comments on every thought and image posted by anyone on social media.

Unfortunately since sites like Facebook choose not to intervene it’s down to you to deal with the problem. Should you accept the abuse and criticism ? Apsolutly not! You wouldn’t listen to a complete stranger being abusive in the street so don’t do it online. Press the block button, remove their comments , it’s your page and you don’t have to have any thing on it that doesn’t make you happy .

More importantly dismiss them from your mind and don’t allow them to upset you. No matter what hurtful things are written it’s not a reflection on you. It’s the direct result of some unpleasant person, with low self-esteem trying to make themselves feel better and more often than not the comments made towards you are how they feel about themselves. 

Bullying in all forms requires you to participate for it to be successful. Bullies only have the ability to hurt you if you give it to them, so don’t. Be honest with yourself, is everyone  going to like you? No. Will everyone like the way you look? No. Will everyone agree with what you have to say? No. Does it actually matter? Not in the slightest!

The only person who has to like you is you. So ignore the haters, don’t waste a second of your day on their bile and happy surfing.

How to measure love.

Over the years I’ve had this conversation with a worry number of people and it never stops amazing me how many people continue to drift into toxic or pointless relationships with partners who obviously don’t care.

Love is not about looks or money. It cannot be defined with empty works and false promises. It’s far more than grand gestures and expensive gifts. For long lasting love it’s all the little things that matter.

Wanting to spend time with that person, talking, laughing,crying, dreaming. Being interested in everything to do with their life just because it’s important to them. Offering your own strength when life is bad and they feel they have none of their own.

Sharing the good times and bad.  Trying to do just that little bit more than your share of the chores and bills to make their life a bit easier. Putting them first, without having to be asked . Telling them they look beautiful and meaning it, even when they’re having an off day.

They should be the centre of your world. The person you automatically want to share your thoughts with. The person you hurry home to. The one you think about when a special song comes on the radio. They’re the person that in your eyes no one else measures up to . The one you dream of growing old with.

If what you have is less than all that , then in my opinion it’s not enough  and your selling yourself short. The next time your partner is ignoring you, putting you down, staying out all night, just remember it’s not love no matter what pretty words they use because love is so much more.

Never give up on your children.

I am very lucky to be part of a large complicated family, made up from several relationships, with a mix of siblings and half siblings and step children. This experience, whilst often being very trying taught me one very valuable lesson. Under no circumstances do you ever give up on your children.

They are your choice and responsibility for a lifetime. Sometimes they can drive you crazy, sometimes they make dangerous, stupid decisions. Sometimes you could happily murder them, but ultimately you are the person they should be able to depend on. You’re the one safe haven available as they try to negotiate their way through the world. 

1. Always try to keep communication open. I personally believe in being honest with my children and being willing to discuss any subject. If they grow up being able to talk about anything, then hopefully when they have a problem they will feel able to tell you.

2. Be honest about what kind of person they are and love them anyway.

3. Accept their life choices are not necessarily the same as your.

4. Always be on their side. I am the first to tell my kids if I think they are in the wrong , but I never side against them . Ultimately right or wrong they’re mine.

5. Tell them you love them and that your proud of them . Everyone needs to know they’re wanted .

6. Enjoy them , they are your family .


Take responsibility!

I constantly hear the phrase ‘ why does it happen to me’ and I have to say I find it infuriating. On the whole we do not drift through life on a whim, the things that happen are usually a direct response to our own behaviour. I’m not saying you can take responsibility for everything but it is time to take responsibility for the things that you can .

Being in a relationship takes work. If you allegedly love someone then you have a responsibility to take their thoughts and feelings in to account. The minute you offer someone a commitment then you are not free to do as you please . You should make adjustments to your lifestyle and if you’re not prepared to then be honest , you don’t love them. You cannot treat someone like a convenience and then be surprised when they don’t stick around .

If you have children then that is the biggest responsibility you will ever have. They didn’t choose to be born, you chose to have them so their health, happiness and wellbeing is your responsibility for a lifetime. They do come before partners, friends, hobbies, your social life and everything else. If you’re short of money then their needs must come first. If you cannot do that then you shouldn’t have children.

Life is a long series of decisions, which once made you have to live with the consequences. So instead of weeping and wailing, face up to  it, enjoy it, but most importantly take charge, own your decision and take the responsibility to build the life you actually want.

Beauty comes from within.

Having just been trolled by a  hilarious personal trainer who believes I’m too fat and stupid to survive without paying for his help, I want to share what I have learned about beauty.

I was a typical slim, energetic child who grew up into a very slim teenager, with curves that even the kardashians would have envied. This continued on until my twenties   when a combination of long term health problems and bad reactions to medication gave me the figure I have today. Throughout that experience the interesting thing I discovered is that most people don’t notice the change in body type, what they notice is how confident and comfortable you are with your self. 

The thing that is actually beautiful is not a perfect face or a particular body type, it’s the ability to accept your self and enjoy life. Now I’m not for a minute saying that having an unhealthy lifestyle is a good idea, because we all know it’s not, but learning to appreciate your self is more important.

Try following these few short rules to see how much more attractive you become :

1. Stand naked in front of a mirror and look at all your good features. Everyone has them . You might have good skin, nice eyes, a great smile, what ever they are it’s time to make the most of them.

2. Consider your bad points , can you change them? And more importantly are you willing to put in  the effort to  do so? If you’re not then it’s time to accept they are part of you and stop fixating on them.

3. Stop worrying about other people’s opinions. Everyone is different, that’s what makes people interesting. Just because some marketing expert has decided to make a particular style fashionable ( no doubt for profit ) doesn’t mean that everyone else is no longer beautiful .

4. Learn to wear clothes that make you feel good and not what’s fashionable .

5. The last and most important rule, learn to love and accept yourself . No one is going to find you attractive if you live your life like an apology . You are unique , be proud.

Everyone is beautiful to someone but first you have to be beautiful to your self .

Love is worth the risk 

I know we’re all looking for that perfect relationship. The harmonious union of two hhearts and minds in perfect sync, but in reality you’re going to kiss a whole lot of frogs first and even then, your perfect partner is highly likely to drive you
nuts on a regular basis.So are failed relationships something to be ashamed of? The answer is quite definitely NO!
Part of growing as a person is the willingness to take chances and experience all that life has to offer.
You might have an idea in your mind about what your ideal partner should be like, but how do you actually know if you never give anyone a chance.
So starting from today take a risk, if youre not already attached start planning to talk to one new person and agree to go out on a date with someone you wouldn’t normally consider at least once a month. You never know what is going to happen in the future but at the very least you’ll gain new perspective and new friends. Good luck.