Toxic relationship-are you sure you’re not the toxic one?

The term toxic relationship has become very popular in the media of late, with all the onus placed on you as the innocent victim and your partner as the toxic influence. But in reality a toxic relationship is partially caused by both parties, excluding domestic abuse.

For every action there is a reaction. Since most of us rarely examine our own behaviour it ismore than possible that our own behaviour is causing the toxicity problem.

1. Start by contemplating the beginning of the relationship, was it good? Be really honest here because a lot of relationships are based purely on physical attraction, which may not lead to anything permanent.- if it was good, what was good about it?

2. Think about your own behaviour. How much effort did you put in to your appearance? How much effort did you put in to participating in things they like? Interest shown in job, hobbies, friends and family?

3. How much of that do you still do?

4. Do you treat them with respect? 

5. What kind of tone do you use towards them? Once friction has begun it’s very easy to get in a routine of belittling, bullying, sarcasm and generally disregarding the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

6. Are you genuinely committed to the relationship or do you have one foot already out of the door?

7. Are you faithful or cheating?

8. Are you violent? No matter what the justification there is no acceptable time for violence in a relationship.

9. What contributes to the deterioration of your relationship? Ie alcohol, specific friends etc.

10. This is the hardest and most crucial question. Do you actually care? Do you want to change?

Some relationships just don’t work. People change, drift apart, allow life  to get in the way. Whilst others fail through bad habits and lack of effort. If you want yours to last it’s time for a relationship MOT. Note your faults and remove your own toxic behaviour before it’s too late.


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